Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
