i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
