whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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