I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
