Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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