I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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