I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
