I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
