have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
