when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
