Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
