just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.