I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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