I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off