Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
  Replies (50) Good night (2917) Bad night (977)
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  (818): View more from California

  Finally jerked of with a banana peel.

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  (818): Finally jerked of with a banana peel. http://tfl.nu/gj9m
  Replies (27) Good night (1452) Bad night (4542)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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  (786): Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful? http://tfl.nu/pwsi
  Replies (9) Good night (894) Bad night (3563)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!

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  (860): WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! http://tfl.nu/mnfn
  Replies (370) Good night (5010) Bad night (5627)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.

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  (253): Best. Four. Twenty. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cry0
  Replies (42) Good night (6363) Bad night (1632)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (12351) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.

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  (336): While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus. http://tfl.nu/10to
  Replies (16) Good night (5540) Bad night (1192)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.

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  (978): Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over. http://tfl.nu/42jf
  Replies (22) Good night (1316) Bad night (4323)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1745) Bad night (6750)
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  (714): View more from California

  A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.

  (1-714): View more from California

  YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES

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  (714): A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you. (1-714): YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES http://tfl.nu/lgqs
  Replies (15) Good night (2126) Bad night (619)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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  (641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7
  Replies (1) Good night (691) Bad night (446)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...

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  (210): my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me... http://tfl.nu/0ufz
  Replies (5) Good night (1083) Bad night (394)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.

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  (775): He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants. http://tfl.nu/n2nz
  Replies (3) Good night (1525) Bad night (647)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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  (704): She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words http://tfl.nu/kxrj
  Replies (5) Good night (855) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.

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  (925): I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King. http://tfl.nu/3lhe
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (246)

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