jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.