it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
