If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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