i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
