God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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