I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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