literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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