And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
