Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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