There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
