you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
