apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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