Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
