These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
