WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
