I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
