I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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