Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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