I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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