Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
