he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
