Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
being pregnant is like rehab
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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