You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
