Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
