Your mouth is God's brothel.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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