Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
