The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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