Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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