Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
