the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
