I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
