do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
BRING THE BAGELS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
