it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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