her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
