Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
how does that bad decision feel?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
