She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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