respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
