I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
