we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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