Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize