"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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