Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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