my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
