Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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