That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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