I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
