found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
