i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
