i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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