I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
