Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
