She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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