dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
