Yo dont text me then not text me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
