Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
