I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
