He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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