I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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