Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
