you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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