my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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