He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
