I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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