I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
